I want to marry him but he won’t ask me(well ask him then!!!)

I reminded my friend that this is the 21st century, and of course she can propose to her partner……

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There we were 7 women sitting on the roof terrace of a London restaurant, in the glorious sunshine sipping cocktails, when the conversation drifts onto dating, as it so often does.  One in the group is in a relationship, 5 want to be in a relation and one (yours truly) is happily single at this time (as mentioned in my previous blog, my man in a white coat (??!!) is coming for me in November 2021 – https://wordpress.com/post/fortyfabulousandfumbling.com/212)

The lovely lady who is in a relationship, met her man online and she deliberately sought out someone older, 60, to be precise, because she says, men our age don’t want to date women in their 40s. However she wants to marry him, and he hasn’t proposed.

“Sooooo  why don’t you ask him?” I asked.  “No way, I need to know that he really wants to marry me”, was her reply with others chiming in with their agreement.

How depressing? Why in 2019, would a woman be reluctant to ask her partner to marry her  (he’s a 60 year old man, dating a woman in her 40s, surely the odds are squarely stacked in her favour that he will say yes).  Age aside, at this mature time of life, when women are Prime Ministers, MPs, Directors, etc… should a woman,  wait for a man to propose?  Does it really matter who does the asking?   Of course I understood where my friend was coming from, when she said she wanted assurance that her partner is keen, but if she has decided that he has the qualities that makes her want to marry him and spend the rest of your life with him, why does he have to go further to demonstrate that he is keen or more keen than her.  Isn’t that her insecurity?  If you want to get married, surely it doesn’t matter who does the asking.  If a woman is hell bent on being asked, possibly it’s not marriage she needs but counselling.

Just propose to him already, is what i told her. What’s the worse that can happen, the outcomes are finite, he can either:

  1.   Say Yes-  Great!
  2. Say No – not great but you’ll live;
  3. Say he’ll think about – not great but you’ll live
  4. Say I don’t want to get married – Great! This you need to know so you can assess if he is the man for you;
  5. Say you are pressuring him/he feels emasculated – he’s a dick, this is good news – you need to know this before you invest any further in him.

In the 21st century  when we demand equality, the very idea that a woman still holds the view that it’s a man’s place to propose is …..regressive.  If my friend’s partner doesn’t propose, there’s likely to be a cloud hanging over their relationship which cannot be healthy.

I asked a male friend what he thought about a woman proposing and he was passionately of the view that he wouldn’t like it because it would make him feel under  pressure.  See point 5 above.

When all is said and done surely if you want something, just ask for it- life is too damn short.

Stay fabulous x

 

 

Author: minitrix

When i was in my 20s and 30s, I thought that being forty would be the beginning of maturity and boredom (I never bought into the whole "life begins at 40" spiel), but i thought it would be a time when i would have my shit together - not wasting money, saving for a rainy day, owning my own property (or two) and certainly no more fucked up relationships. Alas no! Now i'm here (in my 40s that is) some may say that i am still wasting money (i disagree- i just enjoy spending it and living for the moment), i don't have money for a rainy day, perhaps just enough if it drizzles, and as for fucked up relationships, my judgement regarding men is still flawed i'm afraid. However being in my 40s is fabulous even though I'm still fumbling through life, but that's ok. In my blog i will share my experiences (good and bad) and hope you will too. This is not just for women in their 40s - if you are in your 30s, you will see what you have to look forward to (trust me its not just about tena pants) and if you are older, you can let me know what i have in store.

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