So, i’m not quite 50 years old yet, but I can defo see it over there on the horizon, and if I squint, it appears to have its arms open ready to welcome and embrace me. And as if in preparation for that moment, it’s making me behave like…… an old person, robbing me of my memory.
I noticed a few years ago that my memory was not what it once was and I thought nothing of it and passed and laughed it off as me just losing it. But now my forgetfulness is much much worse to the point that I have taken to googling “am I too young to have dementia?” According to the high scores on the memory tests, dementia is unlikely. So what is it? This state of not being able to remember what I was doing or thinking, just a second ago, is tiring. Everything is now taking me longer – the daily ritual of having a shower and grooming is now taking longer – i’m sniffing my armpits every 5 minutes because I can’t remember if I had put my deodorant on. I find myself running to my bedroom to go get something and when I get there, I have no fucking clue why i’m there.
I’ll have a thought in my mind, and the second that I go to act on it, it vanishes, like a fart in the wind. I’m told that this will get worse. I’ve not had any hot flushes yet, or have I? I’m throwing the quilt off during the nights and hoping that this is because the nights are getting warmer and not because of …….anything else.
And if that’s not bad enough, i’m starting to get emotional, weeping at the silliest of things. I texted a male friend of mine to ask if this happens to guys and he told me how this week he wept over a plate of food which took him back to his youth. Is this the same he asked????
I am guessing that this is age related, yet another thing fab forty women have to deal with, part of the peri pause I have learned it is called – the getting ready for the next phase of life. Oh joy!
I leave it there as I have an appointment at 2 and the reminder I have set to remind me not to forget, is beeping away. I must also remember to put a tampon or two in my bag, as I have no idea where the fuck my period is….
Have a great day!