Young-ish & losing it

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So, i’m not quite 50 years old yet, but I can defo see it over there on the horizon, and if I squint, it appears to have its arms open ready to welcome and embrace me.  And as if in preparation for that moment,  it’s making me behave like…… an old person, robbing me of my memory.

I noticed a few years ago that my memory was not what it once was and I thought nothing of it  and passed and laughed it off as me just losing it.  But now my forgetfulness is much much worse to the point that I have taken to googling “am I too young to have dementia?” According to the high scores on the memory tests, dementia is unlikely.  So what is it?  This state of not being able to remember what I was doing or thinking, just a second ago, is tiring.  Everything is now taking me longer – the daily ritual of having a shower and grooming is now taking longer – i’m sniffing my armpits every 5 minutes because I can’t remember if I had put my deodorant on.  I find myself running to my bedroom to go get something and when I get there,  I have no fucking clue why i’m there.

I’ll have a thought in my mind, and the second that I go to act on it, it vanishes, like a fart in the wind.  I’m told that this will get worse.  I’ve not had any hot flushes yet, or have I?  I’m throwing the quilt off during the nights and hoping that this is because the nights are getting warmer and not because of  …….anything else.

And if that’s not bad enough, i’m starting to get emotional,  weeping at the silliest of things.  I texted a male friend of mine to ask if this happens to guys and he told me how this week he wept over a plate of food which took him back to his youth.  Is this the same he asked????

I am guessing that this is age related, yet another thing fab forty women have to deal with, part of the peri pause I  have learned it is called – the getting ready for the next phase of life.  Oh joy!

I leave it there as I have an appointment at 2 and the reminder I have set to remind me not to forget, is beeping away.  I must also remember to put a tampon or two in my bag, as I have no idea where the fuck my period is….

Have a great day!

Goodbye Heels (and good riddance)

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As I have said before, being in your 40s is fabulous for so many reasons, not least of which is that it is ok to admit that comfort trumps fashion.

The fabulous monstrosity pictured above, is actually a pair of my shoes which I bought when I was in my late 30s/early 40s.  Even then I wondered how I would walk in them and how my fives toes, plus bunion could possibly fit.  But who cared? As long as I looked good, which I did!

Almost 7 or so years later, they are immaculate because I hardly wore them, I could not walk in the buggers even then, and now I have decided that it is time to get rid.

Every year or so when I have a clear out, I kid myself that I will wear them again some day, but finally, I am ready to admit, that will never happen.

I am relieved not to be part of the Instagram generation where how you look is everything, where you get likes for contorting your feet into shoes which were plainly designed by a man, for braving the elements in a dress made with barely enough material to cover your behind, in winter, without a coat (I remember it well).

Middle age has its advantages and finally being able to say, “fuck it, I’m wearing my flats and my coat”, is one of them.  So it is then, that I have hired a  stall on a well known London street, to sell all bar 2 of my heels, to make way for more practical foot wear.  I feel certain that the 2 I have retained, will never be worn (not by me at any rate), but you never know,  with my fumbling state of mind, anything is possible.

Embrace your pumps. Stay fab and 40s

 

Cheap & uncheerful- because you’re worth it!

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So Valentine’s day will soon be upon us.  The ridiculous shiny red tat adorns the shelves of all supermarkets and now Poundland, the business which prides itself on being cheap, has decided to give Tiffany’s a run for their money by selling engagement rings.

How they must have laughed during the marketing meeting when the idea was pitched; never in their wildest dreams did they image that they would sell 20,000 with still a few more days to go .  At most they would have hoped that the publicity  would bring the curious into the store.

I hope the A&E departments are ready to accommodate the 20,000 injured souls, who have been kicked and battered shitless,  having offended their intended betrothed.

For me, there is no grey area here, if you are going to propose to someone, it is more than a little insulting to present a cheap arse £1 ring which will no doubt turn green on making contact with the skin.

The concept of a ring is in this day and age is becoming a little outmoded (I still like the idea especially if it comes from said Tiffany),  but isn’t it more genuine and more romantic, if you really cannot afford a decent ring, to simply not give a ring at all and  say to your partner something along the lines : I really want to marry you someday, I can’t afford to buy the ring you deserve right now but i’m working on it.  Ok so I did feel a little vomit in the back of my throat, but you get my drift.

It isn’t about price, or at least it shouldn’t be (WARNING: HYPROCRISY ALERT –  To my shame, not that long ago, a man who I hadn’t been dating for very long, offered me a ring which he had bought for his mother before she died.  I thought that was weird in itself, (not him buying his mother a ring, but offering it me when he had only known me a matter of weeks- Red, Red flag) but when he presented it to me, my first thought was how cheap and tacky it looked.  That was wrong, but part of it had to do with they guy himself ( I mentioned him in a previous blog re the good, the bad and the weird of online dating)  Self help books- a help or hindrance? How it got me dating online.

It shouldn’t be about price, a £50 ring can have the same sentimental value as one which costs £500 if that’s what you can afford, and if it is offered with sincerity, but there is no sincerity in my view, buying your intended a ring from Poundland, it says this is cheap and convenient and so are you.

This issue is not black and white as I thought, the opinions are polarised on social media, with many cheapskates, mainly men saying what a great idea it is to purchase a “holding” ring until they can afford to buy a proper one (perhaps in 5 years time or never as they may meet someone else in the meantime)

Perhaps i’m being old and cynical, but I bet i’m right!!!!

Be blessed and fabulous x